It is having meltdowns in the middle of a grocery store, yes, right in the middle of the aisle as you check out your items….but my angels weren’t supposed to do that, right? Wrong! It would mean people glaring at me as my child who had sensory issues screamed as a cashier checked us out because she didn’t like the sound of the beeping. I will never forget the way others stared at my child, the way the glared at me as I tried and failed to calm her. They looked at her as if something was “wrong” with her, or something was wrong with me. The first few instances really broke me. I learned to stare back, sure I could explain she had impulse control issues, sure I could tell the onlookers the struggles my baby faced…..but they didn’t deserve my explanations! My daughter was perfect to me, even in the midst of a tantrum, she was perfect. The simple things weren’t so simple to her but NO ONE would look down on her…….they didn’t know us or the beautiful blessing she was.
Being a mom is watching your youngest refuse to apologize because she is stubborn…witnessing her stubbornly snub what you slaved to cook her for dinner…it is scrubbing a wall that she decided needed a little crayon art. She is a mixture of sass and beauty.
It is the dismay of seeing the long locks of hair you adorned chopped by the hands of their sisters, and sobbing! It is a rush to a dear friend to fix the emergency haircut and crying like a baby knowing it will be years before you can braid it again. But at bedtime when you lay by their side, it doesn’t matter, long hair, short hair, bald they are still perfect. And you find yourself grateful that you have them, chopped locks and all. It’s staring at them while the sleep and admiring their innocence and beauty…..and feeling the tears sting your eyes at the wonderment and challenges of it all!
Motherhood is ALWAYS leaving the house with some sticky, wet mess on the outfit you just put on and 90% of the time it means their meticulously picked out boutique outfits will not arrive at your destination without also suffering from some type of dishevel. Your hair that you worked so hard on will wind up with a sticker or chocolate in it and their once perfect pig tails with pretty bows will end up crooked and bowless……your diaper bag will probably also endure some stains and will NEVER have all the contents you need! You can pack the entire house and forget at least one item…..not as glamorous as I thought! Going to festivities looking so pretty when we left the house ends up with a mom barely holding it together, and your kids looking like no effort was put into their appearance at all……yup, not glamorous.
Being a mom means that you cannot remember the last time you had a manicure, your toenails are chipped and instead of using polish remover you just paint over the last color you wore to cover them when you wear open toe shoes! Why? You don’t have time! And it is so much more important for your little girls’ nails and toenails to be pretty rather than your’s! Your stylish hair will undoubtedly go to the waste side as you try to fix two little heads of hair. The designer clothes you once wore are only for special occasions and they are very few……..WHY? Because although you have always loved fashion, you can’t bare to buy yourself anything without feeling guilt……and it is so much more enjoyable to buy frilly, boutique, expensive clothing for your little darlings.
I remember a time when I didn’t leave the house without makeup, it has always been that way for me, for as long as I can remember……now it is pinning my hair back, throwing on some yoga pants, no makeup and PRAYING no one I know recognizes me in Wal-Mart….after all it took me an hour to dress, load the kids and get to the grocery and my child needs medicine.
Oh but mothers, and mothers to be….do not fret! The joys of motherhood are so much more, they are sticky kisses when you least expect it. It is getting to relive your childhood by looking through your child’s eyes. It is this tiny life that depends on you. It is messy, it is stressful, it is losing your patience when you swore you wouldn’t, it is being late for everywhere you go…..even if you start preparing 2 hours early. Yes, it is all of those things….but listen closely……IT IS WORTH IT!
For all the things that once mattered before becoming a parent, now seem trivial. Sure, I still linger in the mall adoring the jeans I keep promising to treat myself to, but I find myself into the children’s stores, thinking about how lovely my daughters will look in the new fur boots, the new line of boutique items, and how much they’d enjoy that toy they’ve been eyeing. My oldest daughter is 5 and she just mastered her abcs…..which was much more celebrated than it would’ve been if she had accomplished it at 2….WHY? Because she worked for it! Now she is the first to smile at the people behind us (the same ones who once glared at us) and tell them how pretty they are, or how much she likes their outfit…..she’s the sweetest, most loving little girl.
You see, no child is the same, that goes for both my girls. Braelyn is my laughter, she has this musical laughter that bubbles from the bottom of her toes to the top of her head and then escapes her pretty lips in a contagious cackle. She is animated, filled with giggles, mischief but also the first to help if she sees you having a hard time. She is a happy girl, she’s come so far, and she is perfectly perfect to me! Brynlee is my introvert, sassy pants, but she is tender, and loving. She is the first to cuddle in my lap when I need some comfort, or she needs some mommy time…..the most glamorous gift I get is the jewels of my two girls arms wrapping around my neck. My glamour is watching them sleep, admiring their perfection, basking in their innocence. I get to hear the stories they tell me, and listen as they play in their rooms with one another make pretending and being sisters. Life is not glamorous as I once imagined…..it is enchanting, exciting, adventurous, and I wouldn’t trade it for the whole wide world.
Motherhood is perfectly imperfect. My children are the meaning of my life, they are mismatched clothes to avoid an argument, they are sleepless nights, they are being someone’s hero, they are always having a best friend, they are giving you something they made and it is more priceless than any gift, they are makeup-less trips to the grocery, they are smiles that light up the darkest recesses of your heart, they are magical in the way they can make all your broken pieces fall back together with a single hug, the words “I love you” never sound sweeter than when they fall from the lips of your child. At the end of the day, when you are at your wit’s end, and you lose the patience you vowed you would never lose…..cut yourself a break. It isn’t an easy job but it is so worthwhile, when you look down at the beautiful creations God has gifted you with….you will forget the struggles. I cannot imagine even on the toughest days a job I would rather do!!!!!!!!! Glamour is not a label you would put with motherhood…….I prefer to describe it as magical.
So, to all the moms out there who feel like you could do more, be more, that you are failing…..smile, because in the eyes of your children you are perfect and that IS the magic of it all!